An Open Letter

On Monday night, after we got back from skiing, I discovered a folded-up letter written on notebook paper on the desk in my room. The author was only identified as "Innocent Bystander". Now, I am typically reluctant to read anything that arrives on my desk unannounced, as it usually contains some sort of inappropriate request from Mac or hate mail, but as the author took the time to hand write this, I gave it a once-over. I only had to read a few lines to realize that this was an important, insightful testimonial. And despite the fact that I might disagree with the notion that the white team enjoyed any significant kind of artificial performance edge over the teal in their victory Sunday morning, I felt this account needed to be shared. So here is the transcript, in it's entirety (reproduced exactly as written).

 

 

 

"To: Brian (sic)

FM: Innocent Bystander

2.18.13

An Ice Holes team made the playoffs for the first time in memory. Therfore, they had no experience in how to deal with such an unusual event. Thus, they slept in and never showed up for the 9am event, and not knowing about it, they broke training the night before at Burlington's Irish Pub. These are the hazards of high level competition like this, tho I have a feeling it will not happen in the future.

Of course, the effect of deviating from iron-clad training rules were revealed on Sun AM at the 10am Intrasquad White v. Teal game, where the players who failed to qualify for the Playoffs waxed, or otherwise stifled, the players who did make the playoffs, by a large score. I guess we found out who broke training and who didn't.

That Sun AM "tilt" at 15 degrees and 20 mph wind gusts resembled a pinball game with the players as "flippers", barely able to do much more than touch the puck which flew around like a ball of mercury on a mirror! All cercerned wore every stitch of clothing they brought. Some refused to exit the game for a rest because that would have meant standing still.

Players were extra busy shagging the "mercury" pucks, and a guy named Buddha, who was wearing a mini video cam on his helmet, knocked it off while lifting the boundary rope over his head. He then conned an innocent bystander to use it like a movie camera so that this tournament to be the most recorded athletic event in history.

The organizers reported 600 participants, 85 teams, 5 categories, 9 rinks. They did not report how many beers were consumed. Labatt Blue reached Vermont as well as Wisconsin.

The rinks were a little bigger than a basketball court. Hockey nuts came from all over the east to include Canada, and even Georgia, Illinois, Montana, Michigan, and Kansas. NC provided our two teams and one came from Ft Bragg and Wake Forest. Women played with men teams and had their own teams. Ice Holes found competition for creative team name from the likes of Yeast Infection, Hit For Brains, Drunken Clams, Pond Scum, Swamp Donkeys, Puck U, Frank n Stein, Ankle Draggers, The Flying Eggplants, etc.

Categories included Open, 30+, 40+, Just For Fun Under 35, Just For Fun +35. We were in the last bunch, and you know we saw our share of ringers.

Ah well, winning includes more than putting more pucks in 12 inch by 2 inch holes. It also includes bonding and team espirit. That's where we excel. They had a term for it in the Army Code of Conduct. "Keep faith with your fellow prisoners," or in this case, your teammates. We always looked out for each other. If anyone lost his hat, no effort was spared to find it. If you teammates looked like they needed hor d'ouvres, order some for them. If you tell your friends you'll warm up the car for them, you get lost and let them stand for 10 minutes in 15 degree, 20 mph gusts. No one was ever without a beer to the point where special hockey gloves were offered, made with a hole that could contain one can or bottle of beer.

Old Steve and Linda's relative Scott opened his home to us after the Saturday games, and we helped him clean up - all the beer, Jack Daniels, tea, cherry pie, hors d'ouvres, nuts and goodies in sight. The view of L. Champlain sunset was awesome. We did some real bonding over that opportunity."